Single woman, yes. But not a single mom

Someone called me a single mom this week. But I'm not. A single woman, yes. But not a single parent.


A single parent must stay home or leave work when his or her child is sick.

A single parent can't sneak out before dawn for an early morning run, leaving a small child at home still sleeping.

A single parent can't bounce parenting issues and choices off of another adult.

He or she is alone, with all the extra burden and responsibility that entails.

That is not my situation.

When my ex-husband and I split up, I chose an unusual household arrangement, to allow me to continue to be a part of my stepdaughters' lives, and to allow them to continue to be full-time sisters to my youngest daughter. I invited the girls' mom -- my ex-husband's first wife -- to become my roommate.

To our dual momness, add my own mother, who already lived with me. Combine with three daughters and, as one of my friends put it, we've got an "estrogen powerhouse."

Earlier this week, I was telling my youngest brother how much I admire his dedication to his running. Last year, he ran 10 full marathons and four ultra-marathons. I've been training since November for ONE full marathon.

That's when he said it: "I think a single mom who works a full-time job while training for a marathon is amazing. I'm just a nut job who loves to run."

But like I said, I'm not a single mom. I've got two other moms backing me up, in so many ways. Between the three of us, we've got nearly a century of "mothering" experience.

I share my home with two other women, and that's pretty awesome. I am not the only cook, or shopper or gardener. We can -- and do -- tag team those responsibilities.

I don't envy my friends who truly are single parents. They have to make sacrifices that I don't because they are the only adult in their household.

A friend of mine said one of the hardest things when he has his son is finding "me time." And "me time" can be so important -- not just for maintaining our happiness, but for maintaining our sanity.

My "me time" comes from running. So I could really relate to what Kristina Pinto said in this essay that appeared in the March issue of Runners World magazine:

"If you're a runner and a mother ... we were taught that we could have a career and a family and a life outside both. But to make it all work, sometimes we need to run away. Out on the road, there are neither babies nor bosses tugging at our pant legs."

When I'm planning events in my life, my first concern is still my responsibility as a parent. When I do make grown-up plans in the evening, I try to keep it to the nights when my kids are with their dad. But I value the fact that I do have a wee bit more flexibility than my friends who are truly single parents.

That increased flexibility, my safety net, if you will, wasn’t necessarily a benefit I envisioned when I embarked on this venture. But I think we all benefit – we three moms and our daughters.