So who are these characters?

The Moms' House: Three moms, two of whom were once married to the same man; three daughters, and one soon-to-be returning adult son.

So who are these women and children who inhabit the Moms’ House? And how might things be changing up a little bit in the months to come?

It’s my story, yes, and one I’ve opened up to a lot of strangers. But I wouldn’t have a story without those around me. And I’ve come to the decision that I'm slightly less willing to open their lives up to the same level of scrutiny. I’ll share our stories, yes, but I'm changing some names to protect the innocent – and the guilty – among us. Here's how I'll be referring to the cast of characters from here on out.


Grandma – This is my mother. She has been a part of my household since a few months after my youngest daughter was born, in 2003. She and my father divorced, for a second time (they also divorced, then remarried during the 1980s), and she became a part of my household, at the time with my now-ex-husband.

My Irish roots come from her side of the family. She went through a lot growing up, and she had a lot of things harder than I did as a child. Yet we are bound by some of the experiences we shared, a generation apart. But that's a story for another time -- maybe.

She and I haven’t always been as close as we are now. In fact, at one point, I think we went about 8 months without speaking. But it’s amazing how the birth of a child can bring you closer to your parents. Maybe even closer than you’ve ever been.

Short Mom – This is my ex's first wife, the mother of the three oldest children. A little more than a year ago, I invited her to be my roommate and co-parent to our daughters. In many ways, this move was a crap shoot on my part. But my intentions for doing it were good: I wanted to retain as much normalcy as possible for our family. And in the years that I've known her since becoming a part of her -- our -- family, I've learned a lot about making sacrifices for your children. I'm not saying that my choices as a "single mom" will all be the same as her choices. But we do share a lot of common ground in our approach to parenting. Much more emphasis in my blog entries to come will be about the dynamic that having two -- and three -- moms in one house.


Maggie – This is my oldest stepdaughter. Maggie, derived from Magpie, is her nickname among her Renaissance Faire friends, so given for her constant chatter and her attraction to bright and shiny objects. Maggie, a 16-year-old junior at Clovis East, has a flair for the dramatic and is way more self-assured than I ever was at her age, maybe -- probably -- even more self-assured than I am now. Maggie is smart and reads like I did growing up, devouring stacks of books every week. But I'd say, overall, that her life is more balanced than mine was at her age. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

Coco – This is my youngest stepdaughter, a middle child as far as the daughters go. She is sensitive with an exotic beauty. Our biggest bone of contention is the neatness (or lack of) in her room. Coco is an eighth-grader at Reyburn Intermediate School. She is less interested in reading than her older sister, less involved in extracurricular activities. In many ways I don't get her. But sometimes, in rare moments, I think we connect.

Little Bear – This is my youngest daughter, the daughter I gave birth to with my ex-husband. She is a first-grader at the elementary school by our house. She has learned much from her oldest sister, Maggie, from her hearty evil laugh to her manipulative nature. She is vivacious and expressive beyond her years. She is blonder and fairer than her older sisters, yet to see them all smile is to know they are family.

Xabi (pronounced Shabby, according to him) – This is my step-son. He has been gone from our household since 2007, away at college, half a country away. He’s returning home after the spring semester ends. The addition of testosterone again after more than a year of estrogen only in the Moms’ House is sure to shake things up. Some aspects of what he has gone through already and is yet to go through remind me of my own experiences as a young adult. Can you come home again? It all depends on how you play your cards.


The structure of The Moms’ House is not huge. It’s a five-bedroom house with just 1,800-plus square feet, which tells you those aren’t big rooms. There’s a great room (living/dining/kitchen), two bathrooms, and the bedrooms. Grandma has a room off the great room. The rest of the rooms are down the hall – Short Mom has her own room, the room that was Xabi’s before he went away to college. Maggie and Coco will share a room again, when Xabi returns home soon, at least until he figures out where he is going to land. Xabi’s room is the room that used to be Little Bear’s, before my ex-husband and I split up. And Little Bear and I share the master bedroom/bath.

In kind of a generational irony, my mom and her mother shared a room when she was growing up. That wasn’t something I ever experienced, but some things skip a generation.

Those are the basics, the players, the logistics. While I've been writing in the past year, I've kind of danced around a lot of what makes our story really interesting. That's about to change, in the months to come.

I'm not saying that all the stories are going to come out in real time. This is still our life, and we need time and privacy in which to process that which is happening. But we've been living in this situation now for a little more than a year, which gives us some perspective on how it's going.