Scaling back, and reaching out

A year ago, I had some big goals looming ahead of me. I was just a couple of weeks away from a hike up Mount Whitney, I had a half marathon in San Francisco in October, and after those things, I began training for my first full marathon, in Atlanta in March.

I achieved everything I set out to do. I missed the time I was shooting for on my marathon by a few minutes. But considering that I ran the entire 26.2 miles on a sprained ankle, I was OK with that. The past 18 months, I had a lot to prove to myself, about overcoming pain, surviving loss and becoming reacquainted with myself, a new and stronger me.

I've tried to keep it going. I wanted to do another full marathon, uninjured, wanted to blast my goal time. But the injury I suffered in March proved to be harder to overcome than I anticipated. Training just isn't where it needs to be to achieve what I had envisioned. And my heart just isn't in it. All summer, I've struggled with my depression as my physical activity level has dropped off.

But I don't have to keep setting the bar that high. I've spent time I might have spent running cultivating some great friendships. And a new adventure lies ahead, as my youngest daughter embarks on her first season playing youth soccer. It's not the same as climbing the highest peak in the lower 48 states, but it's every bit as important to her as my goals were to me. And I want to savor it with her, before she's too old to be ambivalent about my involvement in her life.

In just the past couple of days, I've sorted all of this out in my mind. I've decided it's OK not to run the full marathon I'm signed up for in November. I can be satisfied with doing the half marathon, maybe even improve my best time for that distance. And backing off on the running will free up time to be involved with my daughter's soccer season, and to keep spending time with my friends, who make me smile and laugh.

I'm scaling back, focusing less on just what I want to achieve, solitary goals that show how strong I am. But in doing so, I'm expanding my circle outside of myself, making more time in my life for others who matter to me. Because it doesn't matter what I do on my own, if I don't have those people around me with whom to share it.