Surfing into another year

It's my 44th birthday and I'm on the pier in Pismo, high above the waves crashing below. I'm watching surfers, young and strong, gauge the waves as they roll in, ducking beneath the white foam of those they deem not worthy.

Finally, they see the perfect one. And they deliberately try to get on top of it, try to get on top of something roiling and unstable, no solid ground beneath them, only a moving wall of water being pulled in by the moon's forces.

Am I brave enough to try that? To try to stand on a wave and ride it back in to the sands of the beach?

I would think the roar sold be even louder down there, with the water all around you and under you.

I've never liked slipping beneath the surface of the water, losing control, water going over my head, up my nose, in my mouth. Choking and sputtering to get back to the surface. To breathe air again, instead of feeling like I'm drowning.

But maybe to the surfers, the high they get from riding that wave is worth it.

I am not as young as them, but I AM strong. I have proven that to myself over and over. Yes, I still slip beneath the surface at times, but I'm getting better at holding my breath instead of choking on the unexpected water. And I always come back up.